Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in ittybittybecula's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, August 22nd, 2007
6:34 pm	I hate that everyone is leaving maybe I should just move away for kicks.. (Take a vacation)
Monday, July 30th, 2007
4:47 pm	work work work and work my life has become my jobs.. I have worked everday for a week and half so far, and was called in on my one day off, so it's gonna be around 3 weeks before I get a day off shitty shitty shit shit Current Mood: tired (3 still dream | Take a vacation)
Friday, July 20th, 2007
2:04 am	we're growing up so fast... June 27, 2006 - day1 - first night ever hanging out Mexico :) Prom <3 I love him :) (1 still dream | Take a vacation)
Tuesday, July 17th, 2007
4:17 pm	♥ Today is our One Year I cant believe it... I cant believe we're still so happy together I cant believe nothing has fucked us up completely I cant believe he still is the only person I want I cant believe we're still head over heals in love with each other I cant believe we still havent had a fight that's last more than an hour it's been a year... we're growing up together, I love him I'm so happy :) <33 When I first saw you, I saw love And the first time you touched me, I felt love And after all this time, you're still the one I love Looks like we made it Look how far we've come my baby We might've took the long way We knew we'd get there some day They said "I'll bet they'll never make it" But just look at us holding on We're still together, still going strong You're still the one You're still the one I run to The one that I belong to You're still the one I want for life You're still the one You're still the one that I love The only one I dream of You're still the one I kiss goodnight Ain't nothing better We beat the odds together I'm glad we didn't listen Look at what we would be missing They said "I'll bet they'll never make it" But just look at us holding on We're still together, still going strong You're still the one You're still the one I run to The one that I belong to You're still the one I want for life You're still the one You're still the one that I love The only one I dream of You're still the one I kiss goodnight You're still the one You're still the one You're still the one I run to The one that I belong to You're still the one I want for life You're still the one You're still the one that I love The only one I dream of You're still the one I kiss goodnight I'm so glad we made it Look how far we've come my baby Current Mood: loved (6 still dream | Take a vacation)
Friday, July 6th, 2007
5:26 pm	liquid cellar = <3 (Take a vacation)
Thursday, June 28th, 2007
3:34 am	you're living...barely breathing I find myself constantly spacing out lately.. thinking about things that are, things to come, how much things have changed we're all growing up..we're all being forced to be adults.. I'm so excited and so nervous turning 18 wasnt all I expected it to be mostly because nothing is the way I planned..but nothing ever has gone as planned  I think the sooner I learn to be ok with that, the better off I will be.. Ryan and I have been together almost a year and I feel very lucky to have him I just worry about us having opposite schedules for these next two years I find myself worrying alot..to the point where I keep myself awake at night (like now for example) I start my new job learning how to bartend tomorrow.. I'm nervous, but she claims it's gonna be pretty basic.. I just dont want to fuck up... I'm getting my life back on track... I've already taken the test to get my "diploma" and I get the results Sept. 1st as soon as I have the results I can enroll at Valencia until then I'm working hard and saving money  I'm happy with my life, but I know my whole world is about to change I'm ready..I hope? Current Mood: thoughtful (Take a vacation)
Thursday, June 14th, 2007
12:59 pm	got a new number ... if you want it call my old one && listen to the voice mail (Take a vacation)
Saturday, June 2nd, 2007
3:42 am	shitty shitty shit shit... I'm SO over everything being so terrible all the time I'm SO over being unhappy.. I'm SO over feeling so insecure and out of place I'm SO over being such a stupid fucking girl about everything life isnt fair right? get the fuck over it, right? Current Mood: pessimistic (Take a vacation)
Tuesday, May 22nd, 2007
8:42 am	worst graduation possible best night with Anjewla I love you dear<3 (1 still dream | Take a vacation)
Wednesday, April 25th, 2007
4:30 pm	How do you do it? make me feel like I do..How do you do it? it's better than I ever knew... so I'm not walking... I'm really depressed about it and no I'm not ok with it everytime someone talks to me about graduation I walk away and start crying it's such a happy event for all my friends I dont want to ruin their excitment because I'm devistated basicly Lyman fucked me over hardcore on the bright side of my life. Ryan and I are better than ever... I'm growing up really fast and it scares me, but I know there isnt anything I can do to stop it... I'm going to college, so no one worry I'm getting my GED 4 days after my birthday  && I will still be able to enroll for fall classes... I love my boyfriend, but my life is a mess "I'm handling it well...  given the circumstances I've been dealt..." -- Eminem Current Mood: calm (1 still dream | Take a vacation)
Thursday, March 29th, 2007
8:49 pm	fuck prom fuck senior feild trips  fuck spring break  fuck everything fuck senior year fuck jobs fuck boyfriends and fuck all this stupid fucking stress I'm so tired beyond tired..I'm fucking exaughsted... fuck thiisss Current Mood: fuck it! (2 still dream | Take a vacation)
Wednesday, March 28th, 2007
1:30 am	this is the life of a GO GETTA'! so working and Ryan and having to deal with 3 different types of schooling..is getting stressful not to mention 2 proms...and now all this horrible shit with my grandmother... urgh..I'm on the verge of a meltdown..and I cant sleep..I only sleep when I just completely crash on the bright side I'm using my time positively by doing a bunch of make up work Ryan even did some of my homework for me..and I know it sounds strange, but him doing that small amount made me feel like I wasnt alone and I wasnt drowning in all of this..like I had a chance that, and he wont let me give up, no matter what..no body has every pushed me, I've always pushed myself..and then when I finally feel like giving up I usualy have a pretty justified reason so people dont really disagree.. Not Ryan..he doesnt care my reasoning, he wont let me quit..that's such an amazing trait to have in a boyfriend :)  ohhHhHh I FINALLY got text messaging back!! holllerrrrrr lol  so if you're lucky enough to have my numer..hit me up bitches, because I'm gonna be using this shit like a pheend :) lol  I've been insnanely irratable lately, I think due to all the stress and that I'm probably gonna get my period soon,  but during this whole irratablity thing..I've also found happiness in the smallest things, and laughed alot more than I usually do... I honestly cant complain about my life, I really do love it, it's just difficult but when it's not I get bored..so I guess there is nothing quite like a stressful challenge to broaden your horizons :) Current Mood: cranky Current Music: Go Getta - R. Kelly (Take a vacation)
Sunday, March 18th, 2007
10:27 pm	I never slip, I never fall, alot of boys give me their number but I never call so Spring Break was dramatic but I should've known better I honestly dont think I've ever been hit on by so many drunk people in my life lol but Ryan and I made the best of it and did some hotel hoping.. which is always fun :) I feel so lucky to be with him we've been together 8 months, already...I cant believe it things at home are stressful..as always but that never changes (Take a vacation)
Monday, March 12th, 2007
9:14 am	I cannot wait to leave for the beach for 6 days.... I have been so stressed, it's unbelieivable I work far too much, but it's all about gettin paid..I guess <3 Current Mood: stressed (Take a vacation)
Tuesday, February 27th, 2007
10:37 pm	it's offical... my dad wrote me an email saying have a good life. this is such bullshit... Current Mood: whatever (1 still dream | Take a vacation)
Monday, February 26th, 2007
2:13 pm	I know that Ryan isnt the romantic type..but sometimes when I'm in the shittiest moods, I just wish that he would do something really special for me. I kinda like that he isnt real romantic because when he does do things it comes as such a shock and I love the surprise of it all...Idk I guess I got used to Matt always giving me whatever I wanted without question, now I am with someone who actually stands up to me, and it's a big adjustment. but I love him so much more for it.  I have noticed lately, that if I cant plan something, I really stress and worry about it alot. I worry about it not working about it not going through. I worry about it all. Ryan is just the opposite..he is one of those people who just does something and then waits for everything else to fall into place. it's strange to me, but I am learning alot from him. I am learning to stress less about the little things..about how to really evalutate my reactions to things, because he just doesnt take my shit laying down and I hate fighting with him..so I think about why I'm getting really upset while I'm doing it, or before...and usually I talk myself out of bitching at him.  I am happier than I've ever been, and I wish my dad would see that.. he came over last night and told me that I have to choose between him and Ryan. except not in those exact words the conversation went something like this.. "you can choose to love Ryan forever, or make the right decision" "and what is the right decision, dad?" "you can choose me and get rid of that ball-less punk who doenst even want to meet me" "you shouldnt be giving me an ultimatum like this, you're my father" "well Becca you cant have it both ways..you cant have a relationship with both" "one has nothing to do with the other, you dont even live here anymore it's not like you even have to see us together" "well I dont appreciate him being in MY house in the first place..some strange punk around my son all the time" "it's not your house anymore, and he's not a stranger...Will likes him" "Will doesnt know any better" "you're supposed to be my father and love me unconditionally" "I do love you unconditionally, I just will not accept the fact that you're with this P.O.S." "that's not unconditionally then, that's under the condition that you can control my life, then you will love me and have a relationship with me, that's bullshit" then he started charging me so I slammed the door and locked it... he got really pissed and started banging on the door and trying to get in... then he eventually gave up and sped off... that's my family...arent the amazing? Current Mood: blah (2 still dream | Take a vacation)
Thursday, February 15th, 2007
6:19 am	me and you it's like night and day, cause you seem so far away shawtayy boys are boneheads but we learn to love them anyway I'm getting a mercedes I'm excited beyond belief :)  Valentines day is kinda awkward now that it's no longer my aniversary... but it was only my first one, I'm pretty sure they'll get better from here <3  Kristine Nolle...I expect a phone call sometime next week...or you're getting a kick in the teeth...lol not really but I will drive myself over to your house unexpectidly as soon as I get my car lol Current Music: PRETTY RICKY!! (5 still dream | Take a vacation)
Sunday, February 11th, 2007
6:39 am	it feels good to make a decision about the rest of my life I decided  that I'm going to med school I'm going to take this 3 yr. advanced nursing program at SCC  I'm going to become an RN (registered Nurse) and start working at Florida hospital and then Florida hospital will pay my way through med school as long as I work for them for my first 2 years I am practicing which is A ok with me because doctors generally dont make dick until they build a following  and what better way to build a following then to work in a hospital for 2 years... plus I will learn so much more that way..I will have constant hands on practice as well as going to school I'm pretty excited about this Ryan got accepted into UTI, it's this really prestigous school for mechanics  his training will only take 16 months and then he wants to leave for Chicago  he will be in Chicago for 2 - 3 years getting his diseal certification... I'm nervous about where this leaves us we both have very big dreams of wonderful carears  but whta about our relationship? I guess this is what growing up is all about, comprimise and figuring out the rest of your life the weird part is that I dont feel like I'm going to lose him maybe I'm being nieve, but I think we're stronger than that I've never felt the way I feel about Ryan I love him in a different way, it's hard to explain.  Love really does become more complicated the older you are.  but I dont mind it <3 (2 still dream | Take a vacation)
Saturday, February 3rd, 2007
3:42 am	mostly I just want to give up I feel defeated (14 still dream | Take a vacation)
Thursday, January 18th, 2007
1:42 am	love is the answer, atleast for most of the questions in my heart tonight was Ryan and I's 6 months on our way home I looked out the window and smiled oddly it had nothing to do with him, or us instead...it had everything to do with me standing alone not that I want to be without him but that I have survived. I have made it through every possible hell childhood could've thrown at me I am close to 18, my childhood is over I couldnt be happier about that everyone believes childhoodd is a carefree, flawless, blissfully ignorant time not for me. I have wisdom past my years I am not thankful for that but I do not disregaurd the things I have learned I smiled because I am so close to being away and being everything I always dreamed I am who I am and no situation had changed that I have survived with my soul in tact and a some-what level head on my shoulders I'm happy to be in love but I'm not scared to be alone this is the first time I have ever felt that way for the first time in my life, I know that I am strong.  I'm proud just to wake up in the morning and live. Current Mood: content Current Music: ocean avenue - yellowcard (2 still dream | Take a vacation)